Counseling Therapy Receipt

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Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    How to help someone with binge eating disorder?
    My husband has binge eating disorder. I've always known it was bad, but he's gotten bad about throwing his receipts away and while cleaning out the car I found how he'd been spending up to on one sitting at McDonalds or Taco Bell. It takes 5-6 meals to get that much food at those places.

    He's so ashamed of what he does and hes begged for my help, but I just don't know what I can do. He gets tipped at work so I can't keep track of what he spends on food before he gets home and I only have healthy options at home so I know he doesn't binge here.

    I know he wants to stop. He's disgusted at how he looks and feels each day, I just don't know what I can do to help him. I never yell, I want him to feel safe talking to me, but he's to shameful to come to me.

    What can I do for him?

    • ANSWER:
      He (and you?) would be helped by talking to his/your doctor.
      There is no recognised cure for binge eating disorder, but there treatment options such as counselling/therapy, family counselling/therapy, cognitive behaviour therapy (to change food and eating behaviours), the use of support groups or group therapy, and nutritional counselling and planning.

      Binge eaters use food to cope with stress and other negative emotions, but their compulsive overeating just makes them feel worse.
      I hope you both talk with a doctor and I hope your husband is treated successfully. He must feel dreadful - a vicious circle.
      Show him your post, or the answers you get. He will realise he is not alone, binge eating is well documented and "tends to be more common in older adults than in younger people."

  2. QUESTION:
    Any good eating disorder therapists in Charleston, SC?
    I'm moving back to Charleston, SC in a few weeks and I'm looking for a good therapist that specializes in treating eating disorders. I would prefer a therapist that works from a psychodynamic perspective, but I guess it doesn't matter as long as they can fix me.

    • ANSWER:
      Sorry, but these were the only cities in South Carolina that I could find (Greenville and West Columbia) I would recommend the 3rd therapist

      1.Greenville, SC (scan down)

      Nilly Barr, LPC, License#LPC1395

      Private Practice/Individual Therapy

      101 East Park Avenue, Greenville, SC

      Additional Communities Served: Greenville County, Spartanburg, Upstate SC, Spartanberg, Anderson, Clemson, Laurens, Ashville

      Office: 864-271-2740

      Website: www.nillybarr.net

      Email: nbarr@charter.net

      Treatment Model: Ms. Barr uses a combination of approaches matching the client's personality, history, and needs. She usually coordinates with a nutritionist and a physician.

      Ms. Barr treats Anorexia and Bulimia; males and females, children, adolescents and adults. Ms. Barr also works with Athletes and Compulsive Exercisers, Binge Eating Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Obesity.

      Treating Eating Disorders Since the Year: 1986

      Payment Options: cash/check, credit cards, insurance* (*Cigna only), fees may be reimbursed by other insurance companies depending on coverage. Though we assist in the filing process as much as possible, the responsibility to deal with other insurance companies remains with the client. Receipts are provided with all appropriate codes for clients' use.

      Treatment is focused on dealing and resolving the emotional and psychological factors underlying the eating disordered behavior as well as working on making behavioral and "here and now" changes. Many areas of life may be addresses such as body image, self-acceptance, healthy ways to manage uncomfortable feelings, self-care, assertiveness or other issues in dealing with interpersonal issues.

      2.Beth Riley, MSW, LISW-CP

      President, Riley Therapy PA

      Individual Therapy/Private Practice, Outpatient, Coaching, EMDR, Group Therapy, Support Groups

      714 Pettigru Street, Greenville, SC

      Additional Communities Served: Anderson, Clemson, Easley, Spartanburg, Travelers Rest

      Office: 864-241-4448

      Website: www.bethrileymsw.com

      Email: rileymsw@bellsouth.net

      Treatment Model: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Expressive Therapies, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Therapy, EMDR, Inner Child Therapy, Family-Based Treatment and Coaching, Team Approach with a Registered Dietician and Physicians, Group Therapy

      Ms. Riley treats Anorexia and Bulimia; males and females, adolescents, and adults. Ms. Riley also works with Athletes and Compulsive Exercisers, Binge Eating Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

      Treating Eating Disorders Since the Year: 1996

      Payment Options: Cash/Check, Credit Cards, Insurance

      3.West Columbia, SC (scan down)

      Stephanie F. Greene, MSW, LISW-CP#006961

      Individual Therapy/Private Practice, Outpatient, Coaching, Family Therapy, Couples Therapy, Group Therapy, Support Groups

      2999 Sunset Boulevard, Suite 100, West Columbia, SC

      Additional Communities Served: Columbia, SC; Lexington, SC; West Columbia, SC; Irmo, SC; Sumter, SC; Camden, SC; Orangeburg, SC; University of South Carolina; Columbia College; other surrounding areas

      Office: 803-939-9699 ext. 3

      Treatment Model: Individual Psychotherapy and Family Counseling; Cognitive Behavioral (CBT); Psychodynamic; Insight-Oriented; Behavioral Modification; Supportive Therapy; Multidisciplinary Collaboration/Consultation (Medical Doctor; Nutritionist; Physical Therapist; and other professionals). Involvement/referrals to specific support groups.

      Ms. Greene treats Anorexia and Bulimia in adolescent and adult women. Ms. Greene also works with Athletes and Compulsive Exercisers, Food Addiction, Binge Eating Disorder, Obesity, Night Eating Syndrome, Compulsive Overeating, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

      Payment Options: Cash/Check, Credit Cards, Insurance, Medicare, Sliding Scale

      Memberships include: National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA); American Society for Bariatric Surgery (ASBS); National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD); Eating Disorders Coalition (EDC); National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and Association of Oncology Social Work (AOSW).

  3. QUESTION:
    I'm so tired & depressed like the whole world's on me.The most frustrating part is I can't sleep!! HELP!???

    • ANSWER:
      You cannot sleep because your brain is fighting hard to do it's job.

      Sleep is when the brain sorts out all our daily thoughts, experiences and emotions and files them away in the recesses of our brains. If we are stressed and/or depressed, the brain goes into overtime. You will probably have very small cat naps. This is when REM sleep occurs which is when the brain does it's sorting work, rather like a little post office. Normally, when we sleep, we go into a very deep sleep for about an hour, then we would have about 20 minutes REM sleep when we are only lightly asleep, and then back to deep sleep again, although not as deeply as previously. This pattern continues throughout the night.
      When we are stressed and/or depressed, the deep sleep is reduced or even removed as the brain tried frantically to do it's sorting job.
      We then become more tired because we are not getting the deep sleep we need for our bodies to regenerate.

      Relaxation techniques are very good for helping the brain calm down to start it's sorting work effectively. It's a bit like us when we try to do too many things at once. We don't get anything done properly.

      The self-help toolkit on this website may be of some help to you..

      http://www.yorkhumangivens.co.uk/

      In addition to this, you need to see your family doctor as soon as possible to get some counselling or therapy.

      If you are in the UK and on a low income these people may be able to help you, more quickly.

      http://www.counselling.ltd.uk/

      They have a database of therapists who will offer free therapy to people on certain benefits and if you do not qualify by being in receipt of the right benefits, they may be able to put you in touch with therapists in your area who may offer therapy at a reduced rate.

      I hope that helps you

  4. QUESTION:
    my tutor is exploiting my feelings for her by not giving me my 'Tremors' DVD box set back?
    Think that I've been stitched up by my university tutor. I drove her hire car back to the depot + was told that I would need to pay the 500 damage waiver as there was excrement on the back seat. I paid the money but never got a receipt so when i told my boss she laughed + said she couldn't help me. I know it was her that messed up the car as she has it in her blog on bebo (she is into weird stuff at night in carparks with middle-aged couples called Roy and Jake). I left work without the money and couldn't buy dinner so I had to steal 3 cans of white wine (!) from Lidl, but got caught and had to make a run for it to escape into a field where I drank the wine and got very drunk quickly cos i've not eaten for 3 days and i think i've broken my hand cos i had2 punch a donkey and fell into a stream and lost my shoes + a sock, tore my clothes on barbed wire fence+can't go home cos i left my keys in the hire car by mistake+my dad thinks i'm a drug addict but i've never smoked a fag ever, help
    The car was a Kia Picanto 1.0 GL

    • ANSWER:
      It ain't your fault mate that's for sure.

      Society give you a bum rap and I think there has got to be some kind of benefit for you from the DHSS

      Certainly you will get counselling and therapy from the taxpayer.

      Looks like your tutor is going to spend a lot of time in front of tribunals for this

      Good luck to you mate

      PS you don't have an email address for Roy or Jake do you?

      .

  5. QUESTION:
    How long until a psychologist can successfully open a private practice?
    After receiving my Ph.D in clinical psychology, I'm guessing I'll most likely work at a hospital or clinic counseling/evaluating patients.

    How many years does it usually take for a psychologist to feel secure enough to open a private practice? Do some go into partnerships with other psychologists to open an office?

    I'm guessing it would take time to make contacts and build clientele...any advice, warnings, etc? Thanks :)
    Well now all my dreams have come to an end :(

    • ANSWER:
      Depends on the licensing in your state. Requirements for hours till end of internship before graduation, hours after graduation till receipt of license, years/hours of practice after receiving license till allowed to receive a site license. Not to mention that 80 percent of psychotherapy in the USA is now performed by masters level social workers, and another percentage by masters level psychologists, because insurance companies and the department of MHMR are not willing to pay the fees that PhDs charge for therapy.

      Did you know that *after* you get a masters degree, the PhD is an additional 5 years and at least an additional 100,000 dollars.

      To make sure that you are ready for this job make a recording that says the following, 'I am depressed, therapy doesn't work, I never feel better, I can't get out of bed in the morning." Now play the recording over and over again 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hours a day, for a year or two. If you are still excited about hearing the recording and giving "therapy" to the recording after a year or two, then you will enjoy years of spending your days listening and providing therapy to people.

      Have fun.

  6. QUESTION:
    Found out my 13 year old son has been smoking..need advice how to handle it?
    so I found out that my 13 year old son has been smoking for about a month now. I'm not sure how I should handle this if I should ground him if I should take away privileges or make himn go to classes I just need some advice on a good way to handle this so he doesnt continue smoking.

    • ANSWER:
      Don't punish him. This is far more problematic than that and punishing him will make it worse. There are several reasons why he might be smoking- he is stressed and wants to relax and thinks smoking helps, peer pressure, or his friends dared him once and he got addicted, for example.

      Sit your son down, tell him he's not in any trouble, you aren't angry, but you need to know WHY. If he doesn't tell you, tell him you aren't angry, but you want to help, and if he can't tell you, then if he ever wants to, he could write a note and leave it for you or something. Make sure that he feels he can communicate with you- even if not face to face.

      Secondly, figure out how he's affording it. His friends and him splitting the money? Inform the parents of his friends quietly and carefully without him knowing, and stop his allowance, give him money when he asks for it, ask for receipts, and buy snacks and treats which he wants and make him pay the money for you. Make sure he physically can't buy cigarettes.

      Then, contact your doctor, or the American Lung Association for advice. As well as adult styled quitting help, you might be able to find counselling or therapy for him, which should help.

  7. QUESTION:
    I am 38 years old and my GFR(MDRD) is 70.1. What does this mean?
    I am understanding this is a kidney/ renal test, but that about it.

    • ANSWER:
      Data on blood pressure (BP) was noted and was measured by the clinic staff. Laboratory measurements included were hemoglobin, serum albumin, calcium and phosphorus. The glomerular filtration rate (GFR) was estimated using the abbreviated modification of diet in renal disease (MDRD) formula at the time of clinic referral. Data on the usage of erythropoietin and phosphate binders as well as receipt of education on renal replacement therapies (watching a video prepared by the NKF) and dietary counselling (referral to a dietician) were collected. Also, the number of all-cause hospitalizations within the first year of starting dialysis and the status (alive, dead or transplanted) 1 year after initiation of dialysis were recorded from the computerized hospital medical records.

      http://ndt.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/22/3/833

  8. QUESTION:
    Is it too soon to trust him?
    I was dating a man who I found out had an addiction to pain killers. I fell in love with him not knowing about the addiction. I found out after we were together for about a year and after he stole from me (money, personal items, and medications). I learned that he stole from many other people and he went behind my back and "borrowed" money from my friends and never paid it back.

    We entered therapy (my request) for the third or fourth time because we both wanted the relationship to work. He promised for two more years that he would do everything to stay off alcohol and pills. I learned that he was still using pills and wasn't attending N.A. or A.A. and wasn't in touch with his sponsor. Now he has stolen money from his oldest friend of over 20 years. He went into her dresser while visiting her with another friend and stole her medication money (she's diabetic). I learned it's not the first time he has stolen from her. She filed a police report and got a restraining order. He said it was because I didn't let him take me for my surgery because I didn't trust him--that I should have just trusted him.

    His "therapist" tells me that my boyfriend "feels emasculated" when I insist that he show me receipts and paystubs to substantiate what he brings in and where his money is going and when I say it's because of our past history. She says I should not bring up the past because it causes him to "feel like less of a man." He just refused again to substantiate his income and expenses, two weeks after the theft from his friend. He has yet to attended N.A. or A.A. He says he has to do things "his way." He claims to love me with all his heart and he doesn't want to lose me. He's hanging out with an alcoholic who he just met. This is his only friend now.

    Every time I've let him back in, he has lied to me. I don't know if he's a pathological liar or if he just enjoys the thrill of getting away with lying.

    Everyone says he's such a "nice guy." You just want to help him and see him succeed and get better.

    The therapist gave us an exercise three days ago and said I shouldn't bring up the past for a week, and he shouldn't lie for a week. Excuse me? What's the barometer for him not lying? He's done nothing but lie since the day I met him. So I just believe him when he says, "I'm now telling the truth."???

    Would you listen to this therapist and "just trust" this man who has done the things that he has done, and just believe him when he says he isn't doing anything wrong but he refuses to substantiate where his money is going?

    I feel the blame for his drug addiction and alcohol abuse is being put on me.

    I'm questioning my own judgment and sanity.

    Help.

    • ANSWER:
      There is no way I would "just believe him when he says he isn't doing anything wrong but he refuses to substantiate where his money is going." After 3 or 4 attempts at counseling, I would question the efficacy of continued counseling. Moreover, I would question the competence of a counselor who advises forgetting the past when there is evidence of continued problematic behavior.

      Words are frequently just words, actions over time are the only things that matter. What is predictable is that infatuation is a normal physiological process that will fade with time. What sustains a relationship is mutual respect, mutual achievement of expectations, satisfactory intimate relations, and, more than anything, commitment.

      Love is insufficient basis for a lasting and functional relationship; changing a person is like changing the tides, unlikely to succeed; the best one can do is explain how their behavior is disturbing to you and wait to see if they change, without making any permanent attachments (marriage, children) until those changes have been in place for at least a year; although there is no guarantee that deep-seated character traits can be eliminated.

      Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
      the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
      Saint Francis of Assisi

  9. QUESTION:
    Will this PsychoTherapist refund my money???story?
    prior to our meeting she promised me a diagnosis for depression since im depressed and needed proof of it in writing. I met with her, she asked me bizarre questions like how did my parents meet and who my lawsuit attorney is, what his name is, how to spell it and where is he located. She gave me absolutely NO "therapy" whatsoever she didnt counsel me or give any advice.

    Then she writes me a weak letter saying "my client reports major depression" instead of saying "my client is majorly depressed"(a true diagnosis)

    I paid her she gave me no receipt.

    I went back that evening for a receipt and she said shes with a client so I had to demand the receipt. She threatened to call the police on me. Then she gave me the receipt and I left.

    She didnt do anything for me but take my cash(no credit cards accepted) and her office smelled like animal urine.

    I want my money back and how do I go about getting it?

    If she gives me a hard time where can i report her?

    • ANSWER:
      It would have taken several sessions for him/her to say that you have been clinically diagnosed with depression.

      If you're unsatisifed, you can report him/her to the licensing board of your state. State why you went, what happened during the session, why you went back (for receipt) and what happened.

      I don't see any future in trying to get a refund. You get what you pay for - for one session is pretty cheap. My advise to you is contact a mental health board and get the names of qualifed, pschologist or psychiatrist.

  10. QUESTION:
    Can I Use SSI Back Pay to Reimburse Myself?
    Awhile after my brother applied for my niece to receive SSI for her disability, he asked me to care for her. Unexpectedly, I was now responsible for her well being. I didn't want to wait for my niece to receive the help she needed, so I used my own money to do what needed to be done. Keep in mind, I do not have a lot of money. I just decided that she was more important than other bills. I enrolled her in a special school and therapy that has made a massive improvement in her over the past several months.

    She has now been approved for SSI benefits and the back pay will be deposited into her dedicated account. My questions is, can I use some of this money to sort of reimburse myself for the expenses I incurred improving on her disability. I have receipts for the payments to the school and therapist, as well as my bank statements and copies of the checks used.

    Not trying to get rich. It was just taking so long to get benefits, and while my brother was fine waiting, I wasn't. I always thought I could reimburse myself, but now after learning more, I'm unsure. What do you think?

    • ANSWER:
      Yes, you can pay yourself for any bills you can prove were for her benefit. My niece lived with me while we awaited her first SSI check and she incurred multiple medical, school, counseling bills. This included rent and utilities that she owed to me. I had previously supplied a copy of the lease to SSA as part of her application for SSI so I paid myself the portion of those owed.

      I have every penny accounted for on a ledger sheet with copies of every single bill attached and keep it available should SSA ever ask for an exact accounting. (Which as of 2 years they have not.)

  11. QUESTION:
    My two kids are autistic.and right now i am not satisfied with the school services they are getting in school.
    i have two kids.my daughter is 9 and she is dignosed with the rett syndrom.and my son he is 5 and he is also autistic.
    my daughter is having problem wiht the walking.since last three years we are asking school to provide her door to door transportation.but they are saying they are not obligated by law to provide her door to door transportation.my husbund goes every day to drop her of at school.we are aslo not happy with the services they are providing in the school.my daughter she is regressing quickly.
    my husband is a well educated man but because of the kids disabality and school people's un-cooporation,he start giving up now.he has a huge lose in his bussiness.right now we are in large credit card debt and loan amount is keep rising every month.
    right now i am feeling really hopeless from every place.i applied for ssi for my kids but they said my husband owns a bussiness so my kid they do not quilify for that.
    please show me the way.i will really appriciate that.God bless you.

    • ANSWER:
      First, please realize that you are your children's best advocate. That means you need to get informed about your rights and about what is best for your children. Put aside everything else (as much as you can) for about a month and spend time getting informed about autism and about your children's rights in school. Here are two good links:

      http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer
      http://www.wrightslaw.com/

      The first will start you off on finding out the facts about autism and what therapies and choices are out there. (You can also do a Google or Yahoo search on autism and find a lot of information).

      The second link is a link for parents who need to advocate for their children. You can even purchase books which will give you the law and how to use it for your kids.

      Now, about what else you can do. Both of your children should be on IEP's (Individual Education Plans) and have teachers who are the case carriers. Additionally, when an IEP is written/accepted, there is a Team that must approve it. That team consists of (by law) the special education teacher, the regular education teacher, the principal, and the parent. There can also be other team members including speech therapists (and other therapists) and the Special Education Director. As a member of the team (you!), you can contact the case carrier (usually the special education teacher) and request a meeting. THEY MUST HOLD THE MEETING IF YOU REQUEST IT. If they refuse, send a request in writing to the principal with a copy going to the Special Education Director at the District Office. If they continue to ignore you, send a second request, this time return-receipt-requested. (Hopefully they will then hold the IEP meeting.)

      At the meeting, you can request door-to-door transportation. To justify your request, get a note from your daughter's doctor that documents her difficulties with walking. (BTW, you can also ask that she get physical therapy through the school since walking affects her education.)

      You can also now, because of the new law, IDEIA 2004, request copies of your daughter's current academic assessments. If they don't have any, you can request that your daughter be tested so that her current functioning can be compared to her previous functioning. If she is indeed regressing, that then needs to be addressed.

      On a further note, it sounds as if your life is crashing in. Lots going on. Do you have someone who can watch the kids, even for a couple of hours? If so, get away with your husband (without the kids) and seriously talk about how things are going. What do you need to change to get rid of the debt? Credit counseling? Cut up the credit cards? What? What do you need to do to help with his business?

      As far as SSI, everyone gets denied the first time. Apply again and ask for a reevaluation or arbitration. Your kids qualifying shouldn't be contingent upon your household income. Your children are separately disabled.

      Good luck and hang in there.

  12. QUESTION:
    separated wife is leaving kids at home and coming home late.?
    My wife and I are separated and heading towards divorce. I'm not staying at our house because she asked for space to get over the hurt of our marriage. My gut feeling and some of her new behavior is telling me that she has another man. I found a receipt for mens cologne. She told me the cologne was for me but I'm sure its not because she never produced it. She has been gone on her mid life crisis adventures every weekend since our separation. San Francisco one weekend, skydiving in Arizona the next. Shutting her phone off while I'm around her. Zipping her purse closed, just things she never did before. As I watch our 3 children she is doing everything she wants. If I am at our house she usually calls ahead and tells me to leave before she gets home, sound like guilt to anyone else. She has canceled the last two therapy sessions with the councilor. Just today my two boys told me she was gone last night from early afternoon and was not home before they went to bed at 9:30pm. I'm not stupid I know what I know. I have asked her several times if there was someone else. She denied all. She tells me if there was she'd tell me. I just want to know the truth so I can move on with my life.
    My kids are 13, 10, 3. My step daughter is 19 today, she is supposed to be there with them while she is out catting around. And I'm staying ay my Dads. I work the graveyard shift so who knows how late she out.
    To whoever ? is. They obviously don't have the balls the put a name on their answer. One I did not ask my children anything about her whereabouts. It was brought to my attention by them. They fill she is acting weird on her own. Two just because we are separated and still married under the eyes of god doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. Sounds like you have experience in the infidelity side on relationships. I still have hope for us. If she can as you say do what ever she wants while hurting her entire family then the two of you must be cut from the same cloth. Do yourself a favor and push your home wrecker views somewhere else.

    • ANSWER:
      How old are the kids? Are they old enough and responsible enough to be left alone safely?

      Unfortunately, it does sound like your wife has found another person. She is lying to you.

      She doesn't want you at the family home when she gets home because she doesn't want to see you, I doubt it's because she's feeling guilty. If she was feeling guilty, she would have made it to the counseling appointment.

      Your wife is living in her own selfish world.

  13. QUESTION:
    My son is mentally abusive and 18 he says I can't make him leave and must take care of him till he is 21.?
    and must take care of him till he is 21. My husband left last august because of our son's instabilities.
    He has been through counseling since 4. He is diagnosed with ADD, ODD, Bipolar and something else. He does do damage in the home and I fear it will be me next, again ): I made him leave a month ago. He didn't like the places he went. He would have to follow rules, get a job and /or go to school.
    He just informed me that I have to take care of him till 21 and I can't make him leave. I am pretty sure this isn't true. I have been sucidal many times because of him. I would have to write a book to get even a little across. He swears at me constantly. He tries to make me think I am mentally ill. I am now on 2 yes 2 different antidepressants. I let him back in last week, I probably shouldn't have. It just hurts so much to do this to him. But my health ,physical and depression has to come first at this point. I am going to be 50 soon, and the last 18 years have been hell. Not one medication helped him. Actually he refuses to take any now. He said he is going to record how crazy I am. I speak very little to him now, because he rages so easily. I told him go ahead tape me, voice or on camera, it doesn't bother me at all. He just rants and raves and the swearing and punching things are getting bad again. We are in NY. I am not employed because of a spinal cord injury and right now depression. I don't have the energy to go through the kicking him out again. He is not stable enough (I am pretty sure) to be on his own. Then again I don't want to go back mentally to how it was a month ago. He stayed at 2 different friends homes. The first had to ask him to leave as there were problems in their home. He went to another home down the street, a fine family. He left because he might have to get a job and help with chores. I was told this by him. He said nope I shouldn't have to help?????? He wouldn't here either. He seems to feel he is above all rules. Yes I have been to years of therapy with and w/o him. Nobody has an answer, they say meds. He refuses. I don't know what I am going to do. It hurts so much to have to have him leave. But the hell he puts me through, I can't go through it again. Please help me. No he can't be put in a hospital w/o me proving he is horrible. Holes in the wall. He injured my spine by punching me at 5 years old in the back of the neck. 2 failed surgeries later...... and 13 years of almost no life of my own here I am. Can't drive (pain, spasticity, and meds) He won't bring me anywhere w/o screaming. He demands money from me. I say NO all the time now, he goes off. See , the first chapter of a book ): Please help me. I do own the home.

    • ANSWER:
      the law says you have to take care of him until he is 18

      he is 18 now

      give him 30 days written notice

      tell him to leave in a written notice - certified receipt requested - so that he has to sign for the letter and so he can't claim you did not tell him

      then change the locks

      seek advice from an attorney first

      see the links below

      peace

  14. QUESTION:
    Dealing woth the domineering dad with no other options.?
    I'm 24, a grad student, and yes I moved in with my folks after being physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abused by my ex. I have ptsd, and then was diagnosed with a serious illness that needed care, rest, surgery and financial help since I coupdnt work. My dad steps in and OFFERS to help financially.
    I'm coming to the point where I can work again, and now dad is mercilessly emotional and verbal abusin me and mom. I can't go out, I can't stay up, I can't watch tv, and he calls me the root of his problems and his financial tumor.
    I owed him $ b4, but now, doubly so with his offer to help me. The PtSd and illness and abuse are making it harder and harder to desire to live. I have nowhere else to go, I can't go homeless where I live, and without his help I have no insurance.
    I'm not kidding about the severity of his abuse to me. I'm called the tumor, a whore, useless and screamed at for using gas or not providing receipts. I'm considering suicide as the only way out.

    • ANSWER:
      It is said that living well is the best revenge.
      First things first, you need to go to your doctor, tell him or her about the problems at home, that you are having suicidal thoughts and that you need help. Your doctor should be able to put you in touch with a therapist or licensed counselor who can help you with these problems. (Just a quick note, it sounds like you may have chosen a boyfriend who reminded you of your dad, so there may be some self-esteem issues in play here.)
      In the meantime, if at all possible, you need to leave the house. Do you have other relatives or friends with home you could stay a few weeks? If not, you need to call the welfare people, explain your situation and see if there is a short term shelter you could go to, and if there are funds available for you until you are well enough to work.
      You may owe your dad money, but that can wait. The first thing you need to do is to take care of yourself. Once you are better, then you can deal with the other stuff. If at all possible, you need to ask your dad to go to the counselor/therapist with you for some family counseling. If he is unwilling to go, then continue to go alone.
      There may be talk therapy, there may be meds, but you will feel better. Shut out all the negative stuff, literally, write it down and put it in a closed box. Work on the positive and the future. Things can get better.
      PS If you haven't reported the boyfriend's abuse to the police, get that done, too. You might also talk to a personal injury lawyer, You may have a civil case against the boyfriend for the cost of the treatment for your injuries. You do have power, you just need to find it and use it.

  15. QUESTION:
    I am very depressed, confused, and forlorn- can you help me?
    What can I say to explain my situation?

    Well, I find that I am engaged to be married in a few short months from now. I love this young lady. She and I are indeed compatible in many different areas. However, a couple of big issues remain unsettled.

    First of all: money. The biggest issue of all for married folks.

    She and I have different ideas about how to handle our money. I want to keep it saved: she wants to invest it in stocks, and let it "work for us."

    Also, she and I are both Christians. She is adamant about following biblical principles when dealing with our money. I am too to some degree, but it always makes me nervous when we talk about it.

    I think that she and I are both VERY stubborn- this is one major challenge. We both want our own ways to win.

    I want my own personal separate account in the bank, so I can save up to buy a Camaro in the future.

    She wants us to have a joint account.

    We are preparing to have premarital counseling- but I feel afraid.
    To continue:

    she wants a lot of children. Four or more. I do not. In fact, I sometimes don't want any kids.

    Other times, I want to have one or two, because I love her, and I want her to be happy.

    But one possible future may foresee her getting pregnant early in our marriage- and if I have some funds saved for a car, I may have to sacrifice that money to raise our baby. I do not know if I am comfortable with this idea. Sorry if this is selfish of me- but it's the truth!

    So, I am sore confused.

    We often "butt heads" because we both want our own way.

    She is 32. I am 33. I am emotionally immature in some ways. So is she.

    I am the kind of person who needs to have a plan. She believes "God will take care of us." Am I wrong? Do I just simply lack faith in God?

    I am worried about financially providing for the child. I am just now working after ten years of mental disability. I have come a long way, but I am still so unsure of myself!

    What should I do? Please help!

    • ANSWER:
      The Camaro can come now or during your mid-life crisis :), but she can't have children forever. I can say that having a child is an amazing experience and I'm grateful for the opportunity I was given to enjoy my daughter, but raising a child isn't for everyone. I know you're a deep thinker. One of my biggest issues with having any more children (other than my illnesses) is the overpopulation problem. For women, having a child is a natural drive created to keep the species going. This isn't a desire you're going to be able to just override. It's probably a dream she's had since she's a child. I will suggest that having one or two children puts less strain on the world and your finances, and it's easier to give each child the one on one attention they need. This is very important information to figure out before the commitment. The premarital counselling should help.

      Does your fiance have therapy? She may want to discuss having a child with her therapist and the doctor who prescribes her medications. I know that my meds say not to take them while pregnant in the literature. I'm not sure how difficult carrying a child and nursing (if that's her choice) would be.

      Keeping a joint bank account (after marriage) as well as a separate account for both her and you should be able to work. You can do both. Explain to her that you just want some money to have a little freedom with. Use 10% of your household income for tithing and put 5% of your household income in each the separate accounts, then each of you can determine what to do with your separate accounts. If you wish to use a standard savings account for your money, that's your choice. If she wishes to invest in the stock market that's her choice. What is in the joint account has to be accounted for. If it's used for groceries, the receipt should be held for the other person. The same for an oil change, clothing, diapers, rent, utilities, medications, etc.

      The stubbornness can be an issue if you don't learn to compromise. She needs to learn this too. Bring this up at the counselling and see if you can learn ways to facilitate compromising. I imagine that the two of you have a hard time discussing difficult issues without getting angry. Depression can contribute to this. Make sure you both stay healthy so you can avoid making these issues larger than they need to be.

      Work with her. You love each other. Keep that in mind when you discuss what your issues are. Remind yourself of the big picture: A happy marriage that will last forever. Just to let you know that it is possible, I have pictures of my grandmother and grandfather at the age of 90 holding hands. Marriage is work, but the love and rewards are worth it. Working at the problems now can make what you have in common enough to keep you together.


counseling therapy receipt