What Is A Good Marriage How Can You See Into My Eyes Like Open Doors

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Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    Does your man open the door for you after marriage?
    When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife!

    • ANSWER:
      HAWHAWHAW I love that. Yep, I know when we got a new Pickup a few years ago, husband was watching me like a hawk and yelling 'DON'T SLAM THE DOOR'. Heck, after more than thirty years of marriage, we are long past any of that petty stuff trying to analyze the "true feelings" of the other one based on whether he opens the door for me or whether I keep his cup topped up with fresh hot coffee during breakfast.

      We still remember a little bit of dialogue in a movie we saw one time, where the wife asked her husband "Honey would you fetch my wrap from the bedroom" and her husband replied "Is your leg broke"? We've been using that line ever since. I have this thing about not wanting to let really gunky water from the bowl go down my new kitchen sink, so I tip it into a bucket and pour it outside. Just yesterday I asked husband "Hey, empty my bucket for me will ya?" and he called back from his recliner..."Whassamatter, is your arm broke?"

      The saying is "familiarity breeds contempt" meaning that when we get too used to somebody, we stop treating them with the same level of respect we did when the relationship was still fresh, new and not yet well established. Well, that's not always true. Familiarity also leads to a comfortable, mutual understanding, and a maturer recognition of what the real priorities are. Husband and I belong to an increasingly more exclusive club whose numbers are dwindling with passing years. The Long Distance Club made up of members whose partnerships have lasted longer than quarter of a century, are still going strong, and are almost certainly going to go the whole journey until the eyes of one close in death.

      My ole buddy is a little shaggier round the edges than he was when we first met. But then, so am I. He joked with me recently that I was still "His Rose", then after a pause, chuckled and added.... "Well, the petals are gone, but those thorns are as sharp as ever" LOL

  2. QUESTION:
    what is the key to a successful marriage?

    • ANSWER:
      How to make a marriage successful.

      1. Cherish compatibility. Seek out the things that interest, please and delight both of you.
      2. Respect and treasure your differences. Learn from one another. Appreciate and understand your spouse's distinctive style, approach and personality - especially when it diverges from yours. Differences can often turn into delight.
      3. Cultivate patience. Give your spouse enough time to reach a comfortable middle ground in his or her own way.
      4. Learn how to be understanding, and develop the ability to see through your spouse's eyes.
      5. Share your feelings in regular talk sessions. A nice atmosphere in a good restaurant helps open the doors to intimacy and sharing. Really listen to your partner. Be sure to look directly into the eyes of your loved one.
      6. Strive for a high ratio of positive to negative in comments and actions.
      7. Allow time to pass when you're surprised by a disappointment. Solutions will become evident when there is patience. A good night's sleep will help additional insights to surface.
      8. Resolve the inevitable differences in a way that strengthens and deepens your love. Strive to communicate your feelings without being aggressive or defensive. Listen to each other with an open mind and seek resolutions that you both can be happy with.
      9. Learn to express thankfulness for the smallest things. This gratitude can be brief and must be genuine.

      Some more tips to be a good husband:
      1. Eat appreciatively of her cooking and express it often in words.
      2. Set aside at least one night each week for a "Night-out" with her. 3. Have only praise for her, when talking with others. 4. Work together with your own children. 5. Develop spare-time hobbies that you can share with each other. 6. Plan many events together, rather than each going separate ways. 7. Have frequent words of promise for her.
      8. Share all plans, problems, efforts and benefits of your home.
      9. Remember her and the entire family daily in your personal prayers.
      10. Remember all anniversaries and other special events.
      A good husband should be deaf and a good wife blind.

  3. QUESTION:
    When a man opens the door...?
    when a man opens the door of his car you can be sure of one thing- either the car is new or his wife.

    The wise never marry, and when they do, they become otherwise.

    Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener

    Never marry a man for his money, you will have to earn every penny.
    That's very funny TwinkLe-10/10
    Hello Foghorn, sorry but I am a lady, no doubt with a lot of influence from my hubby, I can laugh at jokes about women.

    • ANSWER:
      lol.....here's one for you

      Polish divorce

      A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

      The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

      L: Have you any grounds?

      P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

      L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

      P: It made of concrete.

      L: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

      P: No, we have carport, and not need one.

      L: I mean. What are your relations like?

      P: All my relations still in Poland

      L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

      P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

      L: Does your wife beat you up?

      P: No, I always up before her.

      L: Is your wife a nagger?

      P: No, she white.

      L: Why do you want this divorce?

      P: She going to kill me.

      L: What makes you think that?

      P: I got proof.

      L: What kind of proof?

      P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'

      CHeeRioS

  4. QUESTION:
    intelligent marriage jokes?
    any witty or intelligent marriage jokes that gets the audience thinking?
    its for a play
    thx

    • ANSWER:
      Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

      He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove.

      I left early to go shopping. Love You! " So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.Marty asks, "Son,what happened last night? "

      His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 AM,drunk and delirious.Broke some furniture, threw up in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

      His son replies, "Oh, that! .Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said: "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!'"

      A self-induced hangover - 0.00

      Broken furniture - 0.00

      Breakfast - .00

      Saying the right thing PRICELESS

  5. QUESTION:
    Gay Marriage?
    What do you think about gay marriage..? do you support it? are you against it?...I SUPPORT IT!! Equal rights! No discrimination!

    • ANSWER:
      First, I have to object to calling it "gay marriage". We aren't talking about inventing some new and novel institution for gay people. We're talking about letting gays and lesbians take part in the same institution most everyone else has gotten to take part in since time began.

      Calling it "gay marriage" is just a way to separate it out and make it seem like a distinct institution so straight people don't have to admit they're talking about doing something to gay people they would throw an absolute $#!+ fit about no one having the right to do to them.

      It isn't "gay marriage". It's marriage. Gay people want the right to marry, just like everyone else... and no, I am NOT fine with calling it a civil union instead.

      I'm sorry, but that's another way to set gay relationships apart and suggest that they just aren't equal to heterosexual relationships by suggesting that the committment gay people feel for one another just isn't worthy of the same recognition straight relationships are. As Earl Warren said many decades ago for those who feel like they could create a "separate but equal" institution for gay people:

      "Separate is NEVER equal."

      Why do I support it? Because it would do away with a lot of the barriers gay people face in life. Marriage is, on the one hand, a religious institution, and I'll grant those who throw a fit about gay people wanting the right to marry that it is.

      The problem is that once you acknowledge it's a religious institution, then it becomes blatantly unconstitutional for the government to do anything to regulate it. After all, while some churches may not want to endorse or sanctify unions between two people of the same sex, others do, and the law of the land states that no religion should be allowed to impose its views on another.

      By passing laws which give the marriages performed by some churches the force of law, while disregarding the validity of marriages performed by others, you open the door to the government getting to regulate those religious beliefs they see fit, and set a precedent with which they can chip away at the rights they don't agree with. Just because this particular erosion of your civil rights happens to be one you like doesn't mean they all will.

      To be frank, there are a lot of religious gay people out there. They deserve the same respect from the law when it comes to the way they choose to live their lives and the way they choose to believe religiously, even when it comes to the way they decide to have their relationships sanctified.

      If someone else's religious marriage is given the shelter and protection of law, theirs should be, too, if for no other reason than it makes a statement that the important part of the relationship is the love and commitment two people feel for one another, and not whether or not other people happen to like who you've chosen, putting everyone on equal ground when it comes to knowing that others cannot attack their own marriage and dissolve it simply because they may not approve (and how often do heterosexual couples marry one another over the disapproval of others?).

      More than that, though, it would stop the government from running roughshod over gay relationships and force them to treat gay people with the same respect and dignity as others.

      There are some people who would argue that's not needed, but I'll tell you from personal experience that it is needed in the worst way.

      There was a time, a few years ago, when I had met the most wonderful man in the world. He was the sweetest, most sincere guy I've ever met, and we fell absolutely and atrociously in love with one another.

      We'd spend hours walking around town, holding hands and talking. We'd lay in bed doing nothing but holding each other and staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever. People would come over and stray right out of the kitchen when we started cooking because we couldn't help but have mini little foodfights and do things like flick each other with meringue just to give us an excuse to lick it off and kiss.

      Like I said, absolutely and atrociously in love... but he was from Australia, and there came a day when his visa expired, and for some reason his quest for a green card got derailed, and he had to leave.

      We fought. Oh my God, did we fight. We begged, we pleaded, we screamed and yelled because it just wasn't fair.

      I'm an American citizen. Being in a relationship with me is supposed to be enough to keep someone here, isn't it?

      Love is supposed to count for something, isn't it?

      Well, not if you're gay. We spent our last night together holding each other desperately and crying because we knew that the next day, he'd be taken and put on a plane, and we'd never see each other again.

      The next day came, and so did the INS and police to escort him to the airport (I guess we threw enough of a fit that they didn't trust him to get on the plane on his own). When they started to take him away I began to throw a fit, screaming how I was supposed to have the power to let him stay here because I loved him, to which the INS agent looked at me, very matter of factly said "queers don't count", and walked out and slammed the door.

      My relationship didn't end because I was unfaithful, or because I'm somehow incapable of loving as much as heterosexual people do. It ended because my own government tore the person I love away from me.

      If I had been able to marry him, I would have been able to tell that bigoted little bastard to go shove it, and we'd still be together.

      I now have a friend who is in the same boat. His lover is Japanese, and they would desperately like to marry. Unfortunately, other people have made sure they're not allowed to, no matter how much they care for one another... so now instead of waking up together and going about their life, they're waiting on his application to be approved for him to come back to the United States and continue studying to be a nurse.

      One of them gets up very early, and the other goes to bed very late, so they can talk to each other from five thousand miles apart, touching a cold computer screen instead of each other's face, and all because their relationship isn't given the same respect and protection everyone else's is.

      I don't want a civil union. I want to know that the important thing isn't that other people approve or not, but that I chose him, and he chose me, and THAT'S the sacred part of the relationship that bonds us together, just like it is for everyone else. I don't want to be separate but equal, or second-best human.

      I want the right to marry.

      I want to be as human as everyone else, and I want the same rights they have... and even if I can't get back what I've already lost, I want to know that never again-- NEVER AGAIN-- will anyone be allowed to walk into my house, take the person I love, and take them away from me forever and tear my heart in half just because they've decided "queers don't count".

  6. QUESTION:
    uf homosexuals get married wouldn't that open a door that can't be closed?
    If we redefine marriage as two people who love each other, then what's to stop people from redefining marriage to suit thier fetishes,
    like someone who wants to marry
    *Children;
    *inanimate objects; like sex dolls or pillows with pictures of girls on it
    *beasitaility; like a dog they own
    *a slave
    *or marrying yourself

    How do we close these doors before they open

    • ANSWER:
      Yes. It would open equal civil rights to consenting adults in same-sex marriages.

      The rest of your nonsensical rubbish is what's called a 'straw man' argument -- for the practice dummies used to train soldiers. They're perfectly safe to attack because they're not a real danger.

      It never fails to amaze me what homophobes' nasty little imaginations come up with. Hey, bud, if you want to marry a pillow, I really don't care -- because it won't reproduce your DNA.

      Look up INFORMED CONSENT. Legal contracts -- and marriage is one -- can only be entered into by adults who are capable of informed consent.

      Your household items are safe from wild-eyed seducers.

  7. QUESTION:
    Is interracial marriage wrong?
    In my opinion, it's not. but I just spoke to my friend who had a really harsh opinion on it about preserving diversity. The conversation with him kinda ticked me off a bit. I mean, if it's love, it's love. What's up with the skin color judgments? Am I wrong in this? I feel like everything is so based on skin color now that he mentioned his views on interracial marriage.

    :[

    • ANSWER:
      I'm going to be really honest and say this. As far as I'm concerned, being the young black woman that I am today, I say interracial dating and marriage is a plus. This country was built by the fore fathers who invited so many different people here from foreign lands to become citizens. And they still do the same thing now. I say just because we are several shades lighter or darker should not give any one a pass to harass us for being who we are, who we date, and who we choose to spend the rest of our lives with. This also goes for homosexuals getting married as well. Our choices on this earth are between us and our partners and God. No man or woman or child on this earth has a right to tell us how we should and should not feel. After all if the united states didn't want real and true diversity in this country it wouldn't have allowed immigrants of any kind to set foot onto their soil. So your friend's reasoning is weak in my view. He can hate me for saying it, but its the truth. People take real and beautiful words and try to change their meaning into something dark, dirty and given to only a select few people. That is not how the world works. As we are all in the same country, we should be working harder than hell to maintain our real diversity here. Open our borders to the mexicans and others, who are going to help change our country for the better. As they did umpteen years ago. Don't keep people out and still have so many documents saying this is the home of the free and the brave. Because soon as one door is closed, the US becomes and actually has became the home of the weak and the cowardly. There are so many people that would actually use malice, fear, hatred and anger, to justify their own closed hearts. But I'm not going to let that happen to me. I'm going to use the eyes, God has given me as well as my heart, my mind, and my body and soul, to be one of the few people remaining in our country that will be the person that I am meant to be and not have others words judge me or hurt me, in whatever choices that I make. I'm more than sorry that your friend has been brainwashed into thinking diversity means to seperate everyone. But I'm sure he isn't the last person to feel that way. Just up to us to stay true to who we are and not late the haters of the world bring us down. I say this of my parents even. As we are primarily black, but I as someone of the future am not going to let their old ways close my heart or my mind to what I know is true. That there is real love in this world and everyone needs to be embraced by it.

      P.S. People that say they aren't racist, because they wish to stick to their own race are indeed being racist. Simply because of the fact that, they are not broadening their horizon to someone that is different. I mean not everything is based off of outward appearances and that is the weakest excuse to be used. I may not find some of my own black men out here all that attract of. But, I have quite a few that are good friends and I love their personalities inside and out. But I can still love the personality of a white man, indian man, oriental man or anyone else. As long as they are respecting my body, my mind and soul. And can actually treat me as an individual. Not lump me into the booty shaking girls they see on videos. Because I am far from that. I'm well educated and I continue to stay that way. I only give my time to people who really deserve it. No matter of his race or color. Besides that positive energy meets and embraces positive energy. So I try to stay on the tip top level of who I am, so I can meet like minded people as well. And not have to put up with the ignorance. I think you should try it sometime and perhaps you will lose your close minded friend there for someone more open and on your level.

  8. QUESTION:
    marriage joke 1?
    A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.

    When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's THAT?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"

    • ANSWER:
      wish l could use that as an excuse

  9. QUESTION:
    What is the most important aspect towards a good marriage?just one please!?
    ''space'' for me

    • ANSWER:
      i have copied this but read it.

      MARRIAGE

      When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her
      hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
      quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

      Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
      her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
      calmly.

      She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
      softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away
      the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
      didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
      out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
      satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her
      anymore. I just pitied her!

      With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which
      stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
      company.

      She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who
      had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt
      sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take
      back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly
      in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was
      actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
      for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

      The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing
      something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep
      and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

      When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just
      did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

      In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't
      want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
      She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
      a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a
      month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

      This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked
      me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

      She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her
      out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was
      going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her
      odd request.

      I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
      loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she
      has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

      My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce
      intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the
      first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is
      holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
      the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
      meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't
      tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
      her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
      alone to the office.

      On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned
      on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that
      I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she
      was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
      was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
      wondered what I had done to her.

      On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of
      intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her
      life to me.

      On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
      intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became
      easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
      workout made me stronger.

      She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a
      few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
      dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
      thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

      Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness
      in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

      Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry
      mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
      essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer
      and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I
      might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms,
      walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her
      hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly;
      it was just like our wedding day.

      But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
      held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
      school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
      lacked intimacy.

      I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
      locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...
      I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I
      do not want the divorce anymore.

      She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do
      you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
      said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she
      and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love
      each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home
      on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

      Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
      slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
      away.

      At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
      for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled
      and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

      The small details of your lives are what really matter in a
      relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
      bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for
      happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
      your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that
      build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage

  10. QUESTION:
    Does religion affect your views on gay marriage?
    I'm working on a project for school and one of the topics i'm discussing is how religion affects gay marriage. Please refrain from just posting hate, i would like reasoning and also if you don't mind what religion you are , or associate yourself to be part of. Please also confirm that you have no problem using my statements in my paper, and if you would like it to be anonymous . thank you.

    • ANSWER:
      I am a Catholic and straight (married), and I have no issues with gay marriage.

      A marriage to me is a legal, sanctioned, and blessed relationship between two people committed to care for each other during their lifetimes. I don't see why gender has to enter into it, in my eyes it has no bearing.

      Men have been gay and women have been lesbians since the beginning of mankind. That is not going to change. Being gay or lesbian is not a choice. A person is or isn't. People need to accept that.

      Me walking into a gay friend's house: Knock on the door, open it. Yell, "Hi Honey, I'm homo!" LOL!!

      And yes, you can use my statements.

  11. QUESTION:
    This was very eye opening to me.. and made me ... (LONG BUT READ ANYWAY.)?
    Value my relationship with my friends and family :)
    When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but needed a month s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month s time and she didn t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
    This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly
    move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office . jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

    She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of our lives, not because we didn t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sale
    sgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

    That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son - I m a loving husband .

    The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

    • ANSWER:
      Ohmygod that WAS so eye opening!! What was that? Did you make that up? Was it in a book? Wow, im speechless...

  12. QUESTION:
    Marriage in crisis!?
    Although we have had some ups and downs in our marriage, nothing major but it isnt how i want it to be and i dont know if i can carry on. My husband says he loves me, wants to be with me etc but the words dont match the actions. I should point out the actions made me question him about wanting to be with me to which he said yes, it wasnt of his own bat!! He does suffer from depressive episodes and says he feels like he isnt completely stable mentally but not enough to be medicated or counselled which he would have to wait for months anyway. Its just that to the outside world he seems to be Mr Wonderful, all caring,tall strong patient, kind etc but behind closed doors he isnt a lot of the time. He recently told me he is happy with me and our kids but also feels he should be doing more and there should be more to life. He often looks like he is mad about something and often it seems like we irritate him for silly things. I feel like i am walking on eggshells. We dont have a brilliant social life but he says he is ok with that but he often seems bored. I feel like i need more reassurance from him but i cant ask him because he basically says 'Im here arent I' His mum or gran will ring or visit and he will be the perfect son/grandson to their face but then when he has put the phone down he will moan about the time they ring or how long they were talking for.
    Then out of the blue after being so cold generally he will hug me, say i really love you and everything will be great.
    I cant cope with this emotional rollercoaster. I veer from thinking at least i will have emotional stability if i get out but thinking of him being with someone else tears me apart. I just want him to be affectionate towards me generally, make me feel valid to his life and to stop being this jekyl and hyde character. Funny thing is no-one outside these four walls would believe any of this.

    • ANSWER:
      This is a tough one. No one can really give you an exact answer, it is ultimatly up to you.
      I am 17 and my mum is seriously going through the EXACT same thing. My dad is always angry, controlling, aggressive and goes off over little things.No one else sees it, he acts completly different in front of anyone outside the family. Everyone thinks my mum is being unreasonable but she really isn't. He isn't living with us anymore, my mum tried giving him a couple of numbers to get anger managment but he never went and always said (still does) that she is the problem, not her. She tried telling him maybe they should spend a few months apart and see if they miss each other after that period of time but he would never go and always be sarcastic. So one day after having enough, she packed all his things into boxes and changed the locks. Still he hasn't really changed and it's been 4-5 months. I am actually glad he is not here, i always feel on edge and my mental state changes whenever he used to come home and still when he comes to see me now i hate it. I'm not sure how old your kids are but you should ask them how they feel as well to know your not the only one. Maybe trying councelling together for you and your husband. By doing it together he will know you are not cornering him alone. You can always improve even though it may be in different areas. My dad went with my mum about 1-2 months ago to see a councelor and he walked out after 30 mins after being sarcastic saying " you two seem to be getting along well, im not needed here". From that, the councel saw how he behaves and was able to give her better advice on what to do about the whole thing. I look at other fathers and think " i want my dad to be like that, why does he have to act like he does". He really needs a wake up call and to open his eyes or i'm worried your children might grow up feeling as i do. The best thing a man can do for his children is love his wife. It is extremly important for the parents to set an example and be the role models. And when he says, " i'm here arn't i". Thats being sarcastic and is not fair towards you. You need to calmly and clearly express how you feel about what he says. One day he might just go too far. If you don't act now it isn't a matter of if if will something bad will happen, it's when. He will only get worse as he ages as i have seen my dad. I am actually terrified of my dad when he gets angry cuz he might over react and do something he will regret. That isn't a feeling i would wish for anyone.
      Now is the time to take it further and really put your marrage under the magnifying glass.
      Robert Lewis Stevenson wrote: You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?

      Know that if you don't get the outcome your hoping for, you will be ok.

      Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours. (I took this out of Ayn Rands book Atlas Shrugged)

      Good luck.

  13. QUESTION:
    How does one submit to her husband WITHOUT being a door mat?
    I pray for him; and for us. I try to do my best so he won't be upset. I pick my battles. If there's work to be done and he wants to go out, I stay home. It doesn't matter. Like right now, he's at a movie. I'm home, getting things straightened-out, packing, etc. He said he wanted to go to the movies "to pass the time, since there's nothing better to do." So he's off to the movie I'd told him I couldn't wait to see.
    Hopefully(?), there *must* be a spiritually-legal, respectful way to stand up to him, without continuing to suffer and sacrifice, nevertheless subject our daughter to his head-turning, eye-rolling, condescending, voice-raising attitude towards me, treating me like I'm the underpaid nanny he'd like to fire. (He's done this since she was young.)
    She doesn't want to be in the middle, and I don't blame her, so I make excuses when she says something. When she blamed herself, I told her "It isn't your fault for the stupid ways the adults are acting.") By the way, he took her with him. He wants me to clean her room, as well, while they're gone. And clean the stain off his shirt. I did that first, before getting on here and writing my Rant.
    He hurt my feelings SO badly today that, when he left to go to the store, I cried so hard and for so long, I literally pee'd my pants three times, til I thought to wear a pad. This is no way to live. So my question remains: HOW?

    • ANSWER:
      you opened with two very revealing words: "Submit"....and "doormat" , labels you need help with..

      Also, he has been a cross between a narcissist & a sociopath personality before you ever met

      Up til now you have not availed your self to using the counter points of self worth when conversing or simply challenging his boorish behavior with solutions . Instead, you have become the doormat for many years, and you finally have reached a breaking point. It is the reason many divorces happen. A breaking point has nothing to do with scripture as much as it is a internal scream for "enough" ! There is hope, & it will take some new courage on your part.

      You do need to have a chat with a qualified counselor or (pastor?) and possibly do some private role playing to prep your self for being the other & equal half of this marriage. Then put into play this new boldness.......including to what you posted: ...."Hey, .... off to a Movie cuz there is nothing better to do?" .... but I can clean our daughters room ?" Your reply, in private, needs to be "your respect level for me is unacceptable these days & has been for much too long. "

      Now the big test.....his reaction .....What ever it is, you will have at the ready several responses to his next controlling remarks, including, " Jack,....this is a new day. Either we are a family with respect being a two way street, or you can face some new consequences.

      That will do one of two things.....escalate the anger in him, to which you will tell him "Sorry, I dont converse with anger, nor will I accept your disrespect any more."....(a good time to walk away & go back to having some Ice tea, or even sit and read Dobsons book. )

      The other response he hopefully will have is 'shock'. If he says "what do you mean?" You may or may not be shaking a bit, yet hopefully you have resolved to explain, in a kind tone, you are not his maid, neither are you going to sleep with him until he is willing to either choose to be a servant in the home, or not. If he pulls the submission stuff, or says you have to because scripture says so, tell him again, respect is a two way street. Have on hand or get a good Christian book on marriage to hand him as well.

      I dont recommend saying "divorce"........let that be on his lips.

      I have seen this very same situation in counseling couples many many times. Especially the misuse of the concept of "submit"...the other word you opened up with.

      I"ve tried to counsel many young 'Christian' men away from these submission ideas, and open up to being a servant first. Few actually listen and do it, so be prepared for any outcome.

      I do recommend you read, be ready to hold your ground, and leave the rest in Gods hands to speak to his heart.

      Lil Angel has good reference books. (tks )

      /dm/

  14. QUESTION:
    I need some relationship advice...?
    Im a 28 year old female and I feel like im in the middle of a mid-life crisis LOL

    Ive only had two serious relationships prior to the one im in now.
    The first one, well we were like 17, it didnt work out, he was abusive.
    The second one wanted kids and I didnt, he passed away, so that didnt work out anyways.

    Now this third one, I've been with him for almost two years. We dont talk about marriage, (we did in the very beginning but after things kinda went down hill we stopped, and he claimed he was always joking when he asked me to marry him anyways) it now seems to be a touchy subject for him it seems because we have been in a rough patch, and its touchy for me because Ive really never talked about it with any guy before.

    I've noticed this last year with myself, since I am 28, that one day I might like to get married. I dont dare bring it up with my boyfriend because last time I did he stated "well when we are arguing like this all the time, why would we get married?" which I guess I understand.. but lately, im starting to feel like maybe it would be nice to have someone tell you they want to spend the rest of their life with you (even if it may not last), it might be nice to have someone say "i want to marry you".

    Now im not saying im materialistic and need my guy to buy me things, but it would be nice to get a necklace from him or something to wear just so i can feel like "hey my man does care, i wear something he gave me and everyday it reminds me of him" I have gotten him expensive sunglasses and an expensive watch to wear, and i only bought them for him just so he feels good, so he knows i love him and can look at them and think of me. He hasnt gotten me anything. It wouldnt even matter to me if it was cheap, it would just be nice to have something.

    But when I ask he says "i have spent money on you!" ... hes talking about food, when he goes to sobeys and comes home with dinner that he makes us. Which is nice but i think thats a little different.

    i know girls feel like this too because I read it on here often, and i was never one to be like this. I guess because i am getting older, it would be nice to be in a relationship where you feel appreciated.

    we dont even go out for dinner together, i want to, he doesnt, he always complains its too expensive. He used to take me out in the beginning, but not anymore. Should I just give up? am i asking too much?

    how do you know when your with the right person?? and when you are with the right person, does he give you things to feel special? does he talk about being together forever? I would just like to know how other peoples relationships are. thanks
    wow, thank you Morticia! :)

    • ANSWER:
      I had a failed marriage (due to a cheating husband that had a thing for girls under 16)...
      But when I met my current husband, I just KNEW.
      When we first met, I fell into his eyes. I was just absolutely lost. I would catch myself staring at him & just having a blank mind. I thought about him more than I thought was even possible.

      We would go on dates. He's a gentleman. He opens my car door, opens doors, pulls my seat out for me. He tells me I'm beautiful more than 5 times a day. He always remembers my birthday, our anniversary & never is late for dates. And this was when we were DATING. I've never seen such commitment like that in a relationship before... we would talk, for HOURS, in person or on the phone. And when the marriage subject came up - I froze. I had a failed marriage & was terrified of being hurt again. But he let it be for a few months & then finally, one day, he proposed. Out of the blue. I said yes & we're very happily married. It hasn't changed - he's my best friend & still a total gentleman.

      He buys me nice things and I don't even have to ask - but if your man is saying that you're not worth it & straying away from the topic of marriage, you should ask yourself why you're even with him. If you're looking for something like marriage & he isn't, that's not fair to you. He owes it to you to say RIGHT NOW what he wants.

      My husband tells me every single day how he's grateful to have me & how he wants to spend forever with me... heck he even has plans for our "Golden Years" when we retire which is about 40 years from now. THAT'S someone who is committed.

      Honey, if you can't imagine a single day without him, where even the thought of not having him around anymore makes you feel dead inside, I would just pack my bags & move on. There are MILLIONS of men out there - and I'd bet within one year, you could be married to a guy that loves you, thinks you're worth every diamond & gem, and wants to spend every moment of his life with you.

  15. QUESTION:
    Counselors especially!!! I want to repair my marriage with my wife after my affair!?
    I am a husband who is DEEPLY in love with his beautiful wife...I made the big mistake of having an affair. It was with my last high school ex girlfriends. I broke up with her because I was going to be a freshman in college and she was going to be in tenth grade. I met my wife two years before and she was a year younger than me. Well my during my sophomore year of college I was moving into my new dorm and I saw the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid my eyes on. It was my wife. She was different from every girl I had every met. She wasn't loud like other girls. She was quiet and had so many thoughts and I for the first time every felt like I had a reason.She was so real yet so surreal. I knew I had to make her mine. A young woman like her wouldn't stay unmarried for very much long. We started dating and she always said that she fell hard and fast for me.
    Well, the ex was and always has been my sister's best friend. We saw each other for the first time in years and eventually we started talking again. Eventually we developed feelings for each other. In January or so, she was sad over something and I offered to go see her. She opened the door in just a robe! Of course, I went with my dick and had sex with her. During the affair I just kind of waited for her to find out about it...it never occurred to tell her. I couldn't bear to see the pain on her face. I spent so many days with the ex while my wife was at home waiting for me!
    It's been over three months since D-Day and my wife keeps begging me every chance and of course I say no because I want to try to make her love me again. I take her out now and I took her to Maui a little while ago. It helped so much. She was so happy and smiling and I think she was more loving. We made love...can that mean things are getting better? I miss the way things were. I miss her eyes and her rosebud lips and her smell and her thick long brown hair. I miss her smile and her laugh. I miss her waiting at the door for me everyday and us making and eating dinner. Now she cooks alone and doesn't eat.
    She looks at me with disappointment and pain and I feel so much self hate! She sleeps in one of the guest rooms now. When she's asleep I go in and lay beside her for a bit and I know she'll hate it if she found out but I just...need her. It feels so good. We were talking about what would happens if we had kids soon and now the says she doesn't think she wants kids for a wile. I feel like she just doesn't want to have to have them with me...She doesn't talk to me or look at me, She keeps her head down and doesn't look at me with those? I won't give up on her I was made to love her I just made a stupid selfish mistake. Maybe a trip for Christmas will help? I am determined to make her believe I love her not matter wat anyone says and get her love back! If you're not going to help then just move on.
    I do love her. I only had the affair because I was bored... I think with myself and it's no excuse but it made me feel so good and young. Our relationship in high school was passionate and we were best friends but she doesn't matter to me I know that now. I have seen the consequences of my actions and I can't do tat to her again. Recently she stopped with begging for the divorce. I try and talk to her more but it's so hard with her because she's always been shy and quiet yet independent enough to do her own thing without me and not tell me. I take her out and I really love our time together. I think maybe she may start realizing her feelings a bit. She's so introverted it makes things hard. I want my wife for Christmas and I'm seriously considering taking her to the Bahamas or Italy as a surprise. Italy has always been her dream place.
    I do not enjoy you're pain. You obviously are bitter and did not read the entire thing.

    • ANSWER:
      If your wife is sleeping in another bedroom then the best thing you can offer her is marriage counseling where a therapist can help her work through the pain she has. At this point your wife does not know if she can trust you, especially if she has said she does not want children right now. She needs to know you are committed to your marriage, faithful to her and want a future together. She also wants you to realize how you lost her trust and that you are remorseful. She had put full trust in you and that has been lost, thus leaving her feeling lost and with no direction right now.

  16. QUESTION:
    Can this marriage be saved?
    Four months ago I found out that my husband cheated on me a year ago. I also found out that he did it again with a woman he used to work with. He says he did it because he was frustrated with me becauce I don't initiate affection. The reason I'm not affectionate is because he's mean most of the time. Who wants to hold hands or kiss someone who's mean? When ever we do have sex it's because he started it. The sex we have is good. I just can't look past this betrail. I do love him. I sent the woman he used to work with an email to get some answers and to try to get closure and it back fired. She made it seem like it was my fault because I was not submissive to him. She even gave me addvice from the Bible. She didn't even appoligize. I love my husband but I hate him at the same time. How do you get over something like this? How do I trust him again? BTW we've got 4 kids together and he's in the Army. I only started working 2 months ago. What do you think I should do? Help

    • ANSWER:
      ok boy this is going to be a long answer but stay with me here. first off the fact that he is in the army has no bearing on anything other then the fact that if you do divorce you will be able to garnish his paychecks a lot easier. having 4 children might make you feel trapped but remember that if he acts mean towards you they see it also. do you want your children to see this and think it is ok? children are a product of there eviroment, but i'm sure you know that already. the other woman giving you advice from the bible is crazy. what about coveting thy neighbors wife? yea she might not live next door and it was your husband but you get the meaning of the quote. she is doing nothing more than rationalizing what she did in her head as being right when both you and i plus everyone else on here knows it's not right. by your husband saying he did it because you don't show him affection is just a way of him coping out. that's just an excuse not a reason. if it were really a problem he would have brought it to your attention instead of going outside of your marrage first then saying something about it afterwards. he just used that to rationalize his actions to himself and he is hoping you'll beleave him and accept part of the blame too so he doesn't look as bad as he does. how do i know all of this? i've been there and i did the same thing. i acted mean too. somehow i got it stuck in my head when i was in my early 20's that as long as i had bomb ass sex i could act anyway i wanted to. i found out i was wrong. having great sex is only a SMALL portion of a good relationship, very small at that. actually i think it is really only a by product of a healthy relationship. i have pushed many great women away from me because i acted mean. i used to use the excuse that it was because i was in the Marine Corp. that was a cop out on my part. not until i stepped back and took a look at how i acted and treated others did i understand what was going on. your right nobody wants to be around someone who is mean, no matter how good the sex is. i had to ask myself how would i feel if i were treated like i was treating others. once i saw that and realized that i wouldn't like it opened up my eyes. your marrage is salvageable but i would recomend geting into some type of counseling. somwhere that both of you can talk to a third party and get some guidance. the army has programs for that. use them if your marrage is important to you. if he isn't willing then that right there will let you know how much he values your relationship. i can only imagine how you feel and i know that taking the first tep will be very hard but do you want to be miserable forever? only with time and work will you be able to save anything. besides i'm sure you can find someone that will treat you the way you want to be treated. just because you get married and have 4 kids doesn't meen that the fish quit swimming out there. good luck

  17. QUESTION:
    What's your view on same-sex marriage?
    (There's a lot here, bear with me. I think I have some important issues to bring up)
    I myself am not a homosexual but believe that everyone should have the same rights.
    HERE IS MY STANDPOINT: Regardless of the participants' love for each other, when in comes down to it, marriage is simply a legal proceeding or contract entered into by both participants.
    The law does not recognise the romantic, religious or spiritual aspects, but simply recognises the consent that their money is now shared. In addition to this, there are a number of other legal precedents such as control over affairs if the spouse if hospitalized or establishing that both parents are legal guardians of any children they have.
    What I am saying is that the law does not necessarily care what 'God' thinks as his existence is not recognised by any law system and religious text does not (and should not) have any legal power. Religion is a set of rules some people CHOOSE to live by. No law should force participation in a religion. If you are opposed to gay marriage because of religious reasons, then it is very simple. Legally, a gay married couple ARE married, but not in the eyes of your God. Why should your God care about a piece of paper? If you don't believe people should be gay, then I'm sure your God (or gods) will punish them appropriately.
    To quote comedian Wanda Sykes "if you don't believe in gay marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex!"

    One argument I've heard is that gay marriage will open doors for other non-traditional marriages. One such point is that it might open doors for people marrying animals. Regardless of a person's sexual urges (however sickening they may be) marriage is a contract whereby both parties must consent ("I do") and sign a legal document. Therefore, the argument that gay marriage will open up doors for multi-species marriages is irrelivant becuase animals can't consent as they don't understand human languages and can't sign contracts.
    Some also argue that it might open doors for polygamy. While three way marriages aren't legal is most countries, I think that as long as a three way relationship (not necessarilly marriage) is consensual, then there's no problem with it. A married couple can choose to bring in a third person (perhaps to 'spice things up' or something) and that's okay as long as all three people are okay with it. (Though I do realise that this may cause arguments if one of the spouses drops out of this three way and decides to call adultary for the grounds of a divorce. The other spouse may argue that the three way was consesual and therefore, not grounds for divorce.) A romantic consesual relationship between more than two members where all members are aware of the relationship is called polyamy. I think that anything that's consensual in a relationship is fine. Polyamy is defined as a relationship with the knowledge and consent of all people concerned.
    Some people believe that gay couples shouldn't express the romance in public as it would 'confuse' their children. The fact is, you can't make your family pretend gay couples don't exist forever. If your child asks a question, you should tell the truth, whether the truth be "some people have same sex relationships as apposed to boy-girl relationships and that's a personal choice" or if your answer is "you're not old enough to know yet." I don't think it's right when I here people say "our children need to be protected" as if gays are an 'enemy' or threat. They are simply a minority group, not something to fear.

    These are my views. Agree? Disagree? Throughly angry? What are your views on the issues raised?

    • ANSWER:
      Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

      This is the first time I've seen someone lay everything out so coherently.

      I completely agree. Legally, there really isn't any reason for gay marriage not to exist. Religion doesn't have anything to do with it. It's like abortion: there should be a CHOICE. If you watch those ridiculous Nation For Marriage ads, they talk about how gay marriage will infringe upon the freedom of straight couples. Pfft.

      You're awesome =)

  18. QUESTION:
    Why do wives become FBI agents after 12 years of marriage?
    In addition to not being able to do ANYTHING right anymore (dress myself, take out the trash without waking everybody up, cooking dinner, emptying the dishwasher, etc etc) my wife has apparently become a friggin FBI agent! Examples:

    "Weren't there seven beers in the fridge last night? Why are there only six left?"

    "Who ate the cashews out of the bowl on the coffee table?"

    "Why is your office door closed?"

    "If you only drove 60 miles today, how come you only have half a tank of gas?"

    "Your phone just beeped, aren't you going to check to see who text messaged you?"

    "I haven't seen you wear that blue shirt I bought you, how come?"

    "What were you looking at on your computer last night after the kids went to bed?"

    "Did you rinse that plate off before you put the cooked burgers back on it?"

    In addition to all of these questions and investigations, apparently her eyesight and hearing has dramatically improved too! She won't hear me asking her a question while I am in the kitchen, but she can hear me open a Heineken from the other side of the house and ask why I'm drinking at 1pm while football is on!

    And despite sitting on the couch looking in the opposite direction, she'll turn around and scold me for using too much garlic salt in the spaghetti sauce! I was like "how the hell did you even see me put it in? Do you have eyes in the back of your head?"

    I love my wife dearly and we have an amazing life together. But what is it about women that turns them into investigative reporters, spies, and district attorneys regarding their husbands after 10-12 years of marriage? When did we become such idiots? And when did our wives decide that they know how to do everything better?

    • ANSWER:
      hey, I know someone who's wife was like that
      before
      marriage
      and all his close friends
      begged him NOT to marry her

  19. QUESTION:
    Upon reflection and retrospect was leaving your first marriage a good decision?
    Hindsight is 20/20 vision. As you matured and see life through more experienced eyes was leaving your first marriage the wisest choice? We all have regrets. I would like to get honest answers with some background information about how your feel today about your choice to leave your first marriage.
    Looking back at my first marriage it was not the best choice for me but it was for her. My ex-wife and I are best of friends and will always be. We loved each other dearly and got along very well. Over the years I always had this deep ceded feeling as long as I was around she would never fully think for herself and realize her full potential. I made all the decision and whatever I asked her to do she did it without question. There was complete trust between us to a degree I have never since experienced. Yes I have major regrets. The regret did not show up until years later when she told me what she gave me no other man will have. She also said she would have stayed with me forever had I never left. She said I went from my parent s home to creating a home with you. As a man you owned every aspect of me. She also thanked me for teaching her so many things over the years. My greatest gift was setting her free to find herself. Philosophically I believe I did the right thing.
    . Emotionally I feel I did not do the right thing. All my friends envied our relationship because we looked like the perfect couple in so many ways all the way down to the model perfect home we lived. When I left I always thought we would find her way back to each other. She calls us noble friends. I now know have to let that go of her completely. I was not really prepared for that.

    • ANSWER:
      I married my first husband when I was 19 yrs old When I was 16, I loved him more than life and I allowed some things to happen between us that shouldn't have. He broke up with me and I was devasted. The next summer I met someone and I will always wonder what would have happened if I had waited until I this young sailor was free was out of the service but I didn't The first guy whom I had known since I was 9 yrs old came back into the pictue and I knew my feelings had changed when he asked me out but I married him any way. So for the next 26 yr plus 2 children later, I finally knew I had to get out. After a 3 day on going fuss I tried to leave, we tussled, I became hysterical and he promised to call my mother if I would quiet down and I knew then that if I got out alive I would leave and never come back. Do I regret leaving him - no; my regret is that I didn't leave sooner. I was angry because I knew things didn't havet be the way it was . He would do things like sitting in the bathroom with a gun threatenng suicide. I fought him over the gun more than once and would sometimes just sit and wait to hear the gun shot. I was fortunate that the gun didn't go off and kill one of us. There were times that my children were present also So in answer, no I do not regret divorcing him even though it went against by faith.
      I remarried 4 years later and he is a good man with a good heart. He helps me with my grandchild that we have custody of not to mention me. I have Parkinson's disease and have had alot of problems since last summer. So I know that a marriage does not have to be as it was the first time. A marriage is 100% giving on the part of both parties but when one is a control "freak" then there is going to be problems. If I knew then what I know now I would hope that I would have done things differently. He did give me two beautiful children and he did work but I can't say alot about him otherwise. Some women would have been able to stick it out but I do believe that on that day God opened the door and said now is the time, go if you are going to. To answer your one question about it my first marriage being the wisest choice - nope it sure wasn't so I lived and I learned the hard way.

  20. QUESTION:
    I think it is just crazy to be for SEX ONLY AFTER MARRIAGE?
    People sexual relationships are very importan what if after your first night after wedding(LOL) he or she will not be able to satisfy you or you will have sex only because you want children , I don't understand) why do you need these limits?
    I am sure if he(she) will not be able to satisfy you in the bed ,you will soon get divorsed or you will be just unfaithful with your husband (wife)! and what is the purpose of having sex only after wedding ha ha ?

    • ANSWER:
      wow, okay I am going to be the person that says in a nutshell, "i will encourage my kid(s) to experiment sexually PRIOR to marriage" i know that this sounds crazy, but i am young (in my mid-20's) and will definitely NOT ENCOURAGE my kids to wait to lose their virginity until marriage. i know quite a few people that have waited until they are married, and the temptations have been too strong for both parties, and ultimately, the marriage suffered and ended as a result to this. my husband and i, both devoted catholics, lived together and had sex prior to marriage, even though in the eyes of the catholic church, we lived and slept together in sin. i think that it is very important for people to know what they are getting themselves into prior to tying the knot. my thought process tends to go the same direction in terms of living together before marriage. a committment to one another in the sacrament of marriage is a very big step and shouldn't be taken lightly, however, I will also encourage my kids to live with their "potential spouse" prior to marriage. there are soooooooo many things that you find out about each other (little goofy and crazy quirks, routine, cleanliness, bad habits, good habits, pet peeves, etc.) in the time that you live together, and if you don't live together before the wedding, then it opens the door(s) for newlyweds to argue about dumb stuff (and therefore end that wonderful "honeymoon" phase of marriage) that each party would have known about had they lived together first. now, I won't be encouraging my kids to "go whore it up" but to make wise choices (condoms, birth control, etc.) about whom the choose to be sexually active with, and know that their decision is a lasting one, and to do make it with the right intentions.

      just my 2 cents.... have a great day!

  21. QUESTION:
    Can a Bi-polar marriage survive?
    I have been married now for over 20 years. 14 years a go she was diagnosed as been Bi-polar. Of course she doesn't believe it. She thinks she is fine. We have always went through the arguments and the times when she was so depressed that she wouldn't get out of bed. For some reason maybe menopause, she has started to get even worse. Her angry moods now are more frequent and more violent. She has cut up my boat seats and boat cover. She got mad just because my daughter was in the bath room when we wanted in there, took off and left us for the day. The day after christmas she gets mad at me because she doesn't like lifting the basement door and wanted me to come home from my mom's Christmas party open it for her. I was a little mad at her because she did want to attend, so she takes a axe to the door and cuts a hole in it and throw my new computer down the stairs and breaks it into pieces. So has anyone had to live with a woman who has the same problem?? If so what did you do??? She is now no medication at this time for Bi-polar, because she thinks there is nothing wrong with her.

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with the first poster. You can't force her to take the meds. You know, we all know, that she is too mentally ill to see that she has an imbalance. Would leaving her be the eye opener she needs? Tell her you love her, want her in your life, but refuse to be with her when she is not on her medication because it is disrupting your own life and happiness. All she needs to do is take the meds and life will go on. If not, she is forcing you to leave. I know it seems like manipulation, but that is ok in the circumstance where she is too far off chemically to take the initiative. Once she is 6 months on the meds, and seeing clearly again, she will thank you for saving her life, and marriage.

  22. QUESTION:
    How do we get a silent guy to open up?
    Guys and girls.....both your insights and tips would be wonderful and very appreciated. Girls, what do u do to get ur silent guy to express himself more. What exactly do u say? And guys, what does it take for u to feel free to share...what would u like ur girl to say exactly?

    • ANSWER:
      You talk and talk; you tell him your fears, desires, dreams, what you ate for lunch. He, on the other hand, doesn't give it up that easily. While you're a constant stream of thought and feelings, his jabber tap often runs dry. You often wonder what's going on behind those eyes. And you want to know, how can you get him to open up?

      The truth is, males aren't brought up to talk about their feelings, so when you ask him to talk about what's going on inside, it often doesn't compute. "Men hesitate to talk because they are afraid that they won't say the right things or they're concerned that they won't express themselves in the right way," says Psychologist Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last. According to Sherman, men bite their tongues because they're afraid of being vulnerable.

      Men need to feel safe in order to let their guard down. With loving praise and the right prodding (i.e. the tips below), you can get your special man to unlock the door to his fortress of solitude. Be ready for an earful!

      Feel him out, if you want to talk and he's stressed out, it's better to give him space. If there's something specific you want to address and he's an early riser, you may have a better chance of talking if you approach him while the birds are still chirping. Finally, don't start an in-depth convo in a crowded nightclub where the music is booming. Choose your venue. Perhaps, a quiet park or a remote table in a restaurant, suggests relationship expert April Masini, author of Think & Date Like A Man.

      Guys are more into action so you have a better chance of having a heart to heart while doing the laundry or fixing dinner. "The most intimate conversations sometimes happen while both people are doing chores that are brainless," adds Masini. The point is, you want him to be relaxed. Post-coital is also an option since sex in itself is a bonding activity.

      If you're talking, you're not listening. This is a hard one to remember gals, but if you keep interrupting him to express yourself, he will likely retreat into the infamous cave. Give him room to gather his thoughts, speak his mind. Also, it's not time to multi-task when he finally has decided to open his mouth. Be attentive. And if there's silence, let it be. "Some people are uncomfortable with the pregnant pause and rush to fill it with inane jibber jabber. Let silences happen," remarks Masini. Let him be the one to fill the silences. Gently ask questions, this shows that you're actively listening and it draws him out.

      He's finally talking so it's best not to react negatively to what he's saying. Many women listen to the stories that men tell only to respond by telling him how he's been looking at it wrong. Remember, he wants to feel acceptance and acknowledgment -- for who he is and not for who you want him to be. Plus, you want him to be honest right; say what is really on his mind and in his heart? If you defend yourself, scrunch your face like a prune or gasp in horror, you will likely affect his feelings of safety. Be patient with him and try to let go of your expectations. Instead, use your body language in a positive way. Nod. Smile. And yet be genuine too.

      Have you ever had a "discussion" with your partner that ended up turning into a litany of past grievances. You suddenly recall that hurtful thing he told you the other week. Men cringe when they feel this coming. They fear that their words are going to be held against them so they keep their lips pursed. The past is done with. And as frustrating as he makes you feel, remember it takes two to tango. It's more useful to notice the roles being played in the relationship and the ways in which all of us become stuck in patterns that we don't know how to get out of.

      The best way to help a man open up is to open yourself. Speak from the heart. When we engage in a discussion, the objective should be the 'greater good.' You're not bringing up something in order to criticize, but because you want to break patterns and evolve your spirit. Right? The people we attract in life serve as mirrors; they reflect different parts of ourselves that need addressing.

      Finally, remember the love!
      Use kind words and genuine praise.

  23. QUESTION:
    What do you think about the Swedish eugenics that implies "no mixed marriages"?
    you may think I am lying, but I am not
    http://rsnr.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/64/4/379.full

    Swedish people have always been eugenics-supporters. They do any thing to avoid marriages between the Nordic pure race (blond or red hair- blue or green eyes) with Mediterranean people and other races.

    I think they are right: nordic genes are recessive so they are threatened by extinction if most Swedish people get married with Mediterraneans , for example
    @ mustang
    l'ho detto pi volte su sdg italiano che sono di Gibraltar e quindi frequento yahoo in english
    @ Commonsense
    no honey, it was yesterday. I talked to a Swedish friend of mine. she told me that it still happens

    • ANSWER:
      "What do you think about the Swedish eugenics that implies "no mixed marriages"?"

      Well it seems to me like intermarriage happens a lot amongst Nordic and non-Nordic peoples. And as for Sweden, well...they have had an open door policy towards immigration from not only other EU members, but from refugees from the developing world as well.

      That's not to say that I don't believe some Swedes do refuse to marry/reproduce with non-Nordic persons...but it is to say that I think that attitude is no more prevalent than it is in other European countries...and may well be less prevalent.

      As for that article...it seems like it's dates are all rooted in the first half of the 20th century.

      If Sweden were indeed engrossed by eugenic purity, as you are suggesting, then it would stand to reason that they wouldn't have admitted as many immigrants and refugees from the developing world as they have, and they would have taken a harder line even on the movement of people from Southern Europe into Sweden.

      As for whether it's right or not...I believe people have a right to decide for themselves, and do not believe governments should be involved at all: not to discourage interracial relationships, and not to encourage them either!

      Same goes for society: as a gay man, I've seen Caucasian men pressured into connecting with men of other races in order to avoid the charges of "racism." Sorry, but that's nonsense...EVERYONE has a right to be attracted to what they're attracted to!

  24. QUESTION:
    How happy can a marriage be?
    I've known two "happy" marriages in my life. By happy I mean the two people have been married approximately 20+ years and they still have that obvious "spark" and aren't scared to show affection in public! Both of these relationships dealt with either the wife or husband cheating!

    So many marriages either end, or the two people stick together but can't stand each other. Hell my own father asked my mother if she still loved him and she just sat there.
    Then today I see this elderly couple, and they were holding hands walking down the sidewalk.

    So my question is, how happy can a marriage be? I hate having not a single proper role model on how to have a happy marriage. If you are married tell me how you feel and tell me how long you've been married

    • ANSWER:
      Married over 20 years here. We've definitely had our way ups and our way downs. What it all came down to was looking towards a future and building on that. We hold hands ALWAYS. He still opens my door and tells me how beautiful I am, although I realize that is just in his eyes, which is fine. He looks hot to me! Make a point of saying one nice thing every day. Find something about that person that makes you happy and tell her. Maybe one day you really like that she mismatched her socks just perfectly! Have friends of the opposite sex as a couple, not apart. It's rare that a friend is "just" a friend for long. Can happen, but rare. Always keep in touch and don't make each other worry. Be best friends. Talk a lot, but enjoy the silence. Know that love is a decision. You wouldn't wake up one day and decide you didn't love your kids because they didn't follow a rule or got on your nerves. If it hurts, talk about it. If it irritates you, talk about it. Fix it.

      We know lots of happy couples married 30, 40 and 50 years, but we don't know one couple that didn't struggle at some point along the way with one thing or another. That's where commitment came into play. Sometimes too, one of the spouses may have to hit the wall after being a complete idiot and realize then what he or she could be losing if they don't get their head out of the clouds and make their marriage complete again.

      Just because you're asking this question makes me feel you're going to be one of the lucky ones. There really isn't anything like having someone there for you at all times.

  25. QUESTION:
    what will i do to boost my marriage life?

    • ANSWER:
      Simple things!! Take an evening when you have nothing to do, grab some take out and park at the river or overlook--enjoy your meal and chat with each other--make it more intense by purchasing a lottery ticket before your dinner and talk about all the things you would like to do if you won!!

      Take advantage of your weekends together. Get up early, shower and get 'all girly'. Climb back into bed with him and encourage him to do the same (replace the 'all girly' with 'all manly'). Early morning weekend sex can put a great spin on the rest of the day!! Also try the 'kiss me but don't touch me game'--this is always a prelude to something good! See who can hold out longer before reaching out to touch the other. I still haven't figured out who actually wins--the one that holds out or the one that actually takes it!!

      Pick an evening to go to a favorite restaurant. Take your time through the meal to have eye contact and genuinely listen to what each other have to say. Hold hands or at least let them brush while you're headed to the car and let him open the door for you. Treat it like a more mature first date.

      Take advantage of an afternoon that you're not too busy and take each other lunch. Men can do this for women too!! Make a favorite dish and pack it in a basket. Not only will you surprise your spouse but they will also hear things like, "what did you do to get all this" or "whoa, somebody must really like you today". Co workers will surely recognize this as a romantic gesture and give 'pointers' on how to show your appreciation!

      Use an early morning as the time to do something spontanious. Walk together on the trail through the park or head to the swap meet or flea market. Use the mall as a place to walk and chat before all the gates go up and it gets too busy with shoppers.

      BE SPONTANEOUS!! Marraige can be 'fun' even after many years. Liven it up with little surprises that make you both feel good.

      ALWAYS make sure your spouse knows that you appreciate and respect their views--even if you disagree and have your own different way of seeing things, make sure they know you hear what they're saying and understand why they have the opinions they do. It may surprise them that you have actually been listening and not just tuning them out!!


what is a good marriage how can you see into my eyes like open doors